I'm not a youngster really, but I do keep up with modern lingo... and one of my favourites that's even used to describe things that just don't work too well... It can be ANYTHING that doesn't "work" on any level... So, please, allow me to share...

#13: The movie "First Knight".

Even Sean Connery couldn't save this turkey.

#12: People who tried to convince me "flair pants" weren't re-hashed bell-bottoms.

The stigma of admitting a return of the pre-and-during disco mainstay was apparently worthy of trying to fool us with a NEW NAME!

#11: Microsoft Bob

The Windows ME (or dare I say, Vista?) of it's time... a "bridge" program between Windows 3.11 to get people to move to Windows 95... by requiring more computer resources (RAM, Hard Disk, etc.) than Windows 3.11 so you HAD to spend a tonne of money so a cartoon dog could muck up your screen. The fact so many people don't remember it is a testament to it's wild success.

#10: Professional Wrestler Phantasio

Why? Allow me to quote this old TT post...

Phantasio was a MAGICIAN who would do magic before his match... but apparently his "magic" wasn't all that spectacular... replace magic in the previous sentence with your favourite synonym for feces according to "The Crappers".

...but that's NOT why he makes number one on this list...

...it's his DEVASTATING finishing move...

You see, Phantasio would reach around his opponent's back, reach into the trunks... and PRESTO! Present his opponent with their own UNDERWEAR!

The opponent, thus stunned and usually "dancing about" in horror at having their gitch removed by magic, would be easy prey to a roll-up and pin by Mr. Peanut!

Yup, a MAGIC WEDGIE won matches

Now, I didn't see him "live" back in the day, but decided to look up some old videos. I wish I hadn't.

#9: Clear Colas

...because, apparently, we didn't need better taste or anything like that... no... we needed our cola to be see-through.

#8: See the video above...

#7: De-Alcoholized Beer.

Sorry, I know some people have health issues and hence why they drink this, but really, in my opinion, this is an affront to God and man.

#6: Decaffeinated coffee.

See the notes above for de-aloholized beer.

#5: Anyone using FaceBook, MySpace, or Twitter who assume it's a way to get dates.

Is there ANYTHING more disturbing than finding someone who you KNOW resembles the figure above, but is fishing for romance poorly online through social networks? Trust me on this one, as an admin of a group on FaceBook, you'd be shocked how many people sign up to the group and I find a really lame attempt to attract the opposite text with horrid attempts at seeming... well... trying to seem like they aren't what they are. It's tragic... and really, it doesn't work.

#4: The above picture of Carrot Top.

...although, in terms of "icking out" readers and frightening children, it's not such a failure.

#3: The concept of portable wide-screen laptops.

As a regular passenger on mass transit, I know the sale weasel TOLD you your laptop was "portable" and could be "used anywhere"... they lied. It's too friggin' big... and could you PLEASE remove your elbow and screen corner out of my eye. Oh, and we can see you're not working on anything legitimate... so you're not impressing anyone. So yeah, thanks in advance.

#2: Many of my Thursday Thirteen Attempts at Comedy.

You're reading one now... and you gotta admit the truth to it.

#1: Birthers.

ENOUGH! Even non-American's think you're goofier than a barrel filled with monkeys... with A.D.D... on acid.