This "TT" got started by remembering something that made me laugh. I forgot who, but a fellow "blogger" shared some notes written by airline "ground crews" as to repairs to problems reported by pilots after landing... and the one that made me giggle hard was...

PILOT: Sound under the cockpit panel like a midget with a hammer.
CREW RESPONSE: Took hammer away from midget.

Well, I'm in "Information Technologies"... and yesterday, I was doing more "internal work" than anything else helping people in my office stay "Up and Running"... and I thought I'd share...

#13: My computer doesn't work.

I love this one... "Doesn't Work"... Okay, WHAT about your computer doesn't work? You'd be amazed how many people when I say, What doesn't work about your computer? the answer is, The computer... it doesn't work. That's helpful, isn't it?

Imagine going to the auto shop... and saying, My car doesn't work. and the mechanic than asks, It wouldn't start? and the response, It doesn't work. and after going through the concept of putting the key in the ignition (doesn't work.) and gas in the tank (doesn't work.) and engine installed (doesn't work.)... you think they might get a little flustered? So does your tech.

#12: My computer is dead.

Bury it.

#11: The programs don't work.

Okay, so you launched ALL your programs and they don't anything? That probably used up all your resources... try launching ONE program and get back to me... and for bonus points, if there IS a problem, TELL ME WHAT THE PROGRAM WAS THAT YOU LAUNCHED!

#10: My computer is just black.

Was it a red door first? Has Mick Jagger been loitering nearby???

#9: My system won't log on.

...to? You're logging on to...????? OH! Lemme guess... you actually work in the lumber industry and you mean "LOG" literally! Well, you don't need a computer to do that!

#8: The internet isn't working.

THE ENTIRE INTERNET IS DOWN!?! EGADS~!!! HOW MANY MILLIONS ARE AFFECTED!?!?!?

#7: My screen isn't working.

Get it a job. There's always some stuff available in the want ads.

#6: My screen is frozen, my mouse won't move, and my keyboard doesn't work... what can I do?

Okay... think about this... what mighty I.T. magic do you think we have? The mouse and keyboard are frozen... how would WE affect any change to this? With the magic I.T. ray gun??? Okay, think this... Hey! Why not reboot? Just a thought...

#5: I unplugged my mouse.

I get this a lot... and it's amazing how many people, when I say "Just plug it back in!" say, I don't know how. YOU MANAGED TO UNPLUG IT... try reversing the process!!!

#4: How do I wipe out my computer's history?

Surfing naughty sites, eh? Probably a bad idea to tell I.T.

#3: Windows doesn't work.

What? They won't open and let in the fresh air? Did someone paint them closed? Folks, remember... SPECIFY!

#2: I installed "X" and now "Y" doesn't work. What should I do?

I dunno... how about UNINSTALL "X" if you need "Y" more!

#1: My thing isn't working.

I only know of one man who can help with that sorta problem online... but I also get tonnes of spam about helping when "things" don't work. Gimme your mail addy and I'll send it on to you!