Post details: Thursday Thirteen (26 in a series of NEVER ENDING LISTS!!!) - Lessons in Horror...

12/27/07

Permalink 12:00:05 am, by Email , 974 words   English (CA)
Categories: Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen (26 in a series of NEVER ENDING LISTS!!!) - Lessons in Horror...

TIME IS RUNNING SHORT FOR ONE OLD RED BUS! Sure, we're still holding a family dream about our own One Old Green Bus, but we're very concerned over the fate of Barton Transport #512. It's not far from Chicago and $2,200.00 and some love will save it from being scrapped. Please consider saving this wonderful bus. Click here for details...

THURSDAY THIRTEEN!

Twas the Thursday after Christmas, and all through the Palatial Didier/Darroch West-End Compound... Nah, I gotta MOVE ON from the Christmas-y stuff and into something more generic... like my Thursday Thirteen this week...

Thirteen Lessons We Must All Learn from Horror Movies

Did I throw you a curve there?

NOT SANTA CLAUS!

Okay, what brought THIS topic up is Sue's and my Christmas this year. Being that all three steplings celebrated with their dad (who we get along with well... it was an amicable split between Sue and he so it's all okay if anyone was worried...) Sue settled in for one of her favourite past times... watching horror flicks.

This, oddly enough, is NOT as odd as it would sound on Christmas as, indeed, Victorian Christmases often revolved around "spooky stories" and loads of ghostly lore... because Halloween, as it's celebrated now, was NOT celebrated until the 1930's in North America... and not until VERY recently in other places... so ghosties and ghoulies and things that went "bump" in the night were saved for Christmas. The most famous "pupose written" ghost story for Christmas was Dickens' A Christmas Carol or "Scrooge" to most now-a-days... but if you look back, you'll find MANY scary stories published during the Edwardian and Victorian age for Christmas time.

So, in Sue's eyes, she's just carrying on a time-honoured Canadian tradition.

Without Further Adieu...

Lesson One: If you feel you are being drawn to a small town by unseen forces or you're just being compelled to the town for no seemingly good reason, DON'T GO TO THE TOWN! In fact, avoid the town like the black death.

Lesson Two: Picking up hitchhikers is not a good idea.

Lesson Three: Cell phones are your friend. If you're driving through a dark spot, make sure you HAVE a good cell signal and that your battery is charged. If you have a breakdown at night, STAY IN THE CAR and wait until morning.

Lesson Four: Stay away from... um... uh... people of "easy virtue"... unless you can run faster than them and won't mind having bits of their brain matter or blood spray hit you.

Lesson Five: Before buying a home, if the real estate agent even HINTS that the house might be "stigmatized" by a past crime or death, and when you're looking around, something kinda freaks you out like a door closing on it's own or "whispering voices", DON'T BUY THE HOUSE.

Lesson Six: If Karen Black, Adrienne Barbeau, Sarah Michelle Geller Prinze, or Rob Zombie live anywhere near you, MOVE IMMEDIATELY.

Lesson Seven: If you see blood ANYWHERE in your home in larger quantities than one might expect from a paper-cut, LEAVE THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY AND CALL THE POLICE. Let them go in to the house alone, too... and stay WELL back while they look.

Lesson Eight: If you have successfully fended off a killer and he/she/it appears to be "dead", the French have this wonderful thing called a "Coup De Grâce". Click here to learn more about it... and USE IT if you're in that situation.

Lesson Nine: If you have administered the Coup De Grâce, don't be a moron... MOVE AWAY to a VERY safe distance just in case... and NEVER turn your back to the killer.

Lesson Ten: Heels on boots or shoes = Bad. Chances are, if you're in heels, you WILL survive a horror movie (provided you don't screw up the rule below,) but you WILL hurt your leg or ankle and end up "limping" away from the killer or "bad guy" and that's no fun.

Lesson Eleven: No matter what, DO NOT smoke drugs, drink excessively, do something "cool and illegal", or have sex if you are in a horror movie. These are sure-fire ways to ensure a rapid but painful demise.

Lesson Twelve: If you find yourself in a place where an excessively creepy kid keeps talking at you in seemingly weird jumbles... things like...
One of you for one of them...
...or...
He's coming... again...
...over and over... it's a VERY good time to leave. FAST!

Lesson Thirteen: Many comedians point this out, but it's SO true! If you're in the "haunted house" or whatever and you see something weird or hear a weird sound, this is NOT the time to split up and search for ANYTHING.


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


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Comments:

Adrienne Barbeau! LOL
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 04:31
You forgot (or ran out before you could mention it) not to be scantily clad if or making out -- they always end up in a bloody mess ;)
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 05:22
Comment from: Maria [Visitor] Email · http://www.jubileeonearth.com
Wow, this was a fantastic list! I didn't know that about Victorian Christmas -- I guess that explains the line from "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" Christmas carol ("...they'll be scary ghost stories, and tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago...")

Great blog!

~Maria
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 07:05
Comment from: Moondancer Drake [Visitor] Email · http://www.moondancerdrake.com
...and if the billboard says the town you're moving to is the "murder capitol of the world" turn the car around, Mom.

Happy TT

http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com/
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 08:04
Comment from: Julia [Visitor] Email · http://juliadamus.blogspot.com
Please don't forget Neve Campbell and make sure you're not the black guy - just ask Michael Jacksn how he did it!

Btw my boyfriend just bought the book "The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead" two days ago.

Happy TT!
Greets Julia
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 09:35
Comment from: Admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Deanna Dahlsad... Hey! Let's face it... she's a heat score! I sued to wonder with the television show, "Murder She Wrote", why no law enforcement agency didn't tail and/or arrest Angela Landsbury... think about it... what was the "body count" around her CONSIDERING she was an author by trade??? Wouldn't you start to wonder, at the 100th murder she was involved with, that she MIGHT be a very sly serial killer???

Hello Pop Tart... True this... although, when it comes to a "Paris Hilton" type, do we WANT to warn them?

Hi Maria... Many thanks... and yup, that's the tradition... so read a ghost story and spook out your loved ones at Christmas... like most kids need another reason to "not sleep" then!

Howdy Moondancer Drake... That's just good real estate savvy... but the "Turn The Car Around, Mom" line troubles me... did your mom move you to Washington DC???

Hiya Julia... How could I forget Neve??? Granted, I did toy with "Jamie Lee Curtis", but she's done so many other movies that she could be a FUN neighbour! As for being "The Black Guy" in a horror flick, I do liken it to the "Orange Shirts" on Star Trek the original series... it was the kiss of death. Glad you'll be prepared when the zombie hoards attack now!
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 10:16
Comment from: DrillerAA [Visitor] Email · http://jr-brainfreeze.blogspot.com
Love this list, especailly No's 6 & 7. Usually I believe the victim is in an area where the cell phone is in a dead spot...they don't call it the valley of the shadow of death for nothing.
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 12:14
Comment from: On a Limb with Claudia [Visitor] Email · http://www.on-a-limb.com
I personally think there should be a law against the "I turned my ankle" plot line. Lazy, lazy, lazy writing!

Such wisdom in this post! Let's hope the next heroine and hero read it before they venture into the woods.

Happy TT
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 14:08
Comment from: Admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey DrillerAA... ...so you're saying ALL those movies where the "victim" is finding their cell phone useless are all set in the same place!?! OKAY, NEW RULE #1 - AVOID THIS PLACE! :)

Hello On a Limb with Claudia... Something tells me, they won't. Gosh forbid Hollywood tried something original!
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 14:24
Comment from: Penelope Anne [Visitor] Email · http://cafeendofuniverse.blogspot.com/
Awesome list....thinking this will be a future topic closer to Halloween for me. Definitely had me going for a bit, just a short bit.
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 15:51
Comment from: SandyCarlson [Visitor] Email · http://slchome.blogspot.com
Great list! I too have learned that the bad guy is never dead the first time you shoot him dead. Cape Fear drove that lesson home!

Thanks for the fun.
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 16:26
Comment from: Michelle O. [Visitor] Email · http://unmainstreammom.blogspot.com/
I love horror movies! This was a great list. Sometime I should write down everything I end up yelling at the screen when the characters do something dumb. I think the worst is how horror movie characters always trespass/break in to someone's house, and end up in big trouble. It they would have stayed out, they'd still be alive!
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 18:46
Comment from: Admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Penelope Anne... "Short bit"??? Ah, I gotta come up with one for next week that'll be a "Long Bit"! :)

Hello SandyCarlson... Yes, beware of angry ex-cons who APPEAR to be dead! :)

Hiya Michelle O.... Well, as my mother used to always say, "It's in the script and it wouldn't be much of a movie if they didn't do that." Still, I get grumpy at the screen too.
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 20:53
Comment from: Nicholas [Visitor] · http://agentlemansdomain.typepad.com
Don't forget that if you have to run to your car, a few yards ahead of the murderer, it is 100% guaranteed that your car won't start when you turn the key. Muttering "Come on, come on!" as you do it may help, so that it will start just as the killer tries to grab the door handle!
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 21:28
Comment from: Admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Nicholas... I did forget this... and you forgot that pounding on the steering wheel will occasionally help... OR... if the keys are not "handy", pounding on the steering wheel will make the keys suddenly land in your lap from their "hiding spot" in the sun visor.
PermalinkPermalink 12/27/07 @ 22:30
Comment from: Linda R. Moore [Visitor] Email · http://www.ravensroads.com
#14 Don't go into the cellar! ;)

I have three TTs this week:

Review of 2007:
http://www.ravensroads.com/index.php/2007-in-review/

Motorcycling review of 2007:
http://www.ravensrides.com/tt13-2007-in-review

13 RV adventures in 2007:
http://www.ravensrv.com/2007-adventures/
PermalinkPermalink 12/30/07 @ 15:01
Comment from: Admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Linda R. Moore... or the attic... and MOST importantly, resist the urge to look into the "long neglected bedroom".
PermalinkPermalink 12/30/07 @ 17:54

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