Post details: Thursday Thirteen (Old Enough To Drink in Ontario at 19) - THIRTEEN AWFUL WRESTLING GIMMICKS

11/08/07

Permalink 12:00:01 am, by Email , 1958 words   English (CA)
Categories: Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen (Old Enough To Drink in Ontario at 19) - THIRTEEN AWFUL WRESTLING GIMMICKS

THURSDAY THIRTEEN!

PREFACE: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE A WRESTLING FAN TO ENJOY THIS... PROMISE!!!

I'm slowly starting my return to watching pro-wrestling... I know, I know... but for TWO HOURS per week, I like to turn off my brain and be mindlessly entertained.

...but wrestling is SO much more than simply mindless entertainment...

...oh yes...

It's not JUST soap opera for little boys... oh NO! It's also some really, Really, REALLY bad ideas!

Yup, in pro-wrestling, when you read about the characters they concoct and some of the story lines, you gotta wonder... WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!?!? and be horrified when you realise that an ADULT thought of it... and got PAID to think of it...

So, welcome to my Thursday Thirteen...

THIRTEEN REALLY AWFUL WRESTLING GIMMICKS

Yes, I had plenty of help from Wrestlecrap... and LOVE the book too... but sadly, I do remember EVERY ONE of these horrible, horrible ideas... I don't know who to feel sorrier for... those of us who actually watched this dreck... of the poor schleps who had to become them...

#13: Repo Man

Is there ANYTHING more hated than the guy who comes to collect on a bad debt... taking your car, home, furniture, whatever... and WHAT if that person... that MAN was an EVIL WRESTLER!

Repo Man was SO hated, he tried to hide! He wore a mask and "snuck" down to the wrestling ring... oblivious to the ring announcer telling everyone about his arrival, the spotlight on him, and his entrance music. Perhaps he was also unaware of the words "REPO MAN" spelt out in license plates on the back of his jacket.

If you think about it... he kinda sucked at being "hidden"...

One "vignette" (one of those videos they air between matches) they did to "announce" that Repo Man was coming to a ring near you and to get you to hate, Hate, HATE him was to show him trying to repossess a man's car... when he couldn't find the fellow OR the car, he took the man's small daughter's bicycle. He was SO evil... but so bad at not being seen.

#12: T.L. Hopper

Okay, what could be worse than a wrestling credit-agent's best friend? How about a WRESTLING PLUMBER! (Yes, complete with plumber's butt...)

T.L. Hopper, a grappling plumber who would do the unthinkable... Once defeating an opponent, he'd get old Betsy, his trusty (and dirty) plunger and apply it to the defeated wrestler's face... apparently to clear blocked sinuses. Yes, he was a "bad guy"... an EVIL wrestling plumber! (Those are the worst, eh?)

#11: Zodiac Man (followed by) Booty Man

Most of you might remember "Brutus The Barber Beefcake"... but only the true fans would remember Ed Leslie (Brutus) after he came back to wrestling from the (then) WWF to WCW...

First of all, they painted his face white with black lines and his trunks featured the "Yin/Yang" symbols. His gimmick? During interviews, he'd only say "YES!" or "NO!"

Sometimes it was "YES! YES! YES! NO! NO! NO!" and boy did it get tired REALLY fast...

...so they changed the gimmick and Ed became "The Booty Man".

That gimmick? Ed shook his butt.

This, according to the announcers made the women swoon... despite the fact that you could see live audiences going to sleep... or being mildly nauseated.

Add to this the wonderful fact that the "cheeks" on his wrestling tights were cut-out to expose his bum... with a thin, flesh covered fabric separating the adoring fans from Mr. Leslie's rear-end.

His finishing move (the devastating move that ended a match) was to run, jump in the air, and hit his opponent with his knee... known as a "High Knee"... yes, "Booty Man's" ass-shaking finisher was the "heinie".

As they said in the Wrestlecrap book, only in pro wrestling can a man get paid to LITERALLY make an ass out of himself.

#10: Tugboat

Is there anything more terrifying than a large man dressed as a children's television host... Actually, come to think about it, if I saw the dork pictured above on the street, I'd avoid him... mostly because I'd assume he's unhinged OR he was on a children's show... and that would make anyone who had to dress like that a little "grumpy".

Big man, Fred Ottman was dressed up as this ridiculous character who would come to the ring with a mighty "Toot! Toot!" and then make his opponents fall over laughing and pin them while they were in hysterics at his "Sailor Ned" outfit.

Sadly, this was not the case... but my idea above would have been better...

No, Ottman was a "good guy" named "Tugboat" who was just every kid's best friend!

...of course, until he went all evil and became Typhoon... but I know I didn't... nor did many fans forget Tugboat.

#9: Max Moon

Wrestlecrap calls him "Ribbed For Your Pleasure"!

Max Moon was a wrestling spaceman!

Whee.

What made Max most memorable to me was that he was "assisted" in getting into the ring by a ROCKET PACK on his back... which never worked properly, so what we got was a poor schlep climbing into the ring normally with a thing making it look like smoke was coming out of his butt.

#8: Mantaur

The head of a bull with the body of a man... and a TERRIBLE gimmick!

Mantaur came to the ring like the picture above on the left... terrifying... but sadly, didn't wrestle with the ridiculous head on.

Mantaur would actually ACT like a bull in the ring, snorting and scuffing his "hooves"... and yes, even "moo" in a most evil and vile way...

That's not a joke... he would ACTUALLY let out a loud, evil moo.

It was about as good a gimmick as it sounds... and could be summed up as what one might expect to come out of Mantaur's "bull-like" backside.

#7: The Goon

Okay, The Goon was actually kinda cool... especially to a Canadian. He represented the fightin' hockey player... complete with jersey and boots that looked like skates! He came to the ring with a hockey stick but sadly, always seemed to be thwarted before getting a chance to clobber his opponent.

Yup, what wrestling needed was to remind "real" sports fans that there are other sports they could be watching.

#6: The Yeti

This was friggin' classic.

Yes, I know the above picture is a mummy... but way back when, we were alerted to the coming of THE YETI!

A huge block of ice was brought into the ring and the above popped out... and we were told it was THE YETI!

Y'know, I always thought a Yeti was "The Abominable Snowman"... but thanks to wrasslin', we now know it's an escapee from a pharaoh's tomb.

Better yet, The Yetimummy attacked the FAMED Hulk Hogan! He snuck up behind the unsuspecting Hulkster, grabbed him and appeared to try to do the "lust-hustle" with Hogan's behind... This was his scary power... he could dry-hump a pro-wrestler into submission.

#5: Xanta

Santa's good, as we all know... he brings toys and treats to good kids...

...so wrestling had to introduce Xanta! He wore black bordered by red and "Ho! Ho! Ho!"ed in a MOST evil manner!

Xanta was PURE evil! The OPPOSITE of Jolly Old Saint Nick! he FRIGHTENED children on the way to the ring! Bad, bad Xanta!

Heck, he was even announced as coming from "The SOUTH Pole"!

Trouble is, where Xanta had a great shelf-life between November and January, no one gave a tinker's cuss about him the rest of the year... the gimmick died.

#4: The Red Rooster

This one is truly a bad one.

There once was a promising and VERY good wrestler named Terry Taylor.

He broke into the business... and was given a gimmick that absolutely KILLED his career from the start.

Terry was under the "tutelage" of a great manager named Bobby "The Brain" Heenan who was showing Terry how to be a GREAT wrestler... trouble was, "Brain" was a bad guy... a "heel"... and Terry was supposed to be a good guy... a "baby face" or "face".

It MIGHT have been a good idea... the student being a nice guy and the teacher being a meanie... so that we could revel when the teacher was turned-on by the frustrated and avenging student... and it could have been except for someone in the brain trust in the company coming up with the WHOLE concept...

Heenan, before Taylor turned, started calling the grappler his "Red Rooster"... and "crowed" about how proud he was of his "Red Rooster"... well, when Taylor turned on Heenan, he BECAME a "Red Rooster"... complete with goofy-rooster styled hair and even a "chicken walk" to the ring... which the announcers TRIED to convince us was Taylor trying to "egg on" his evil former manager. He even did the occasional "Buck-Buck-Buckaw!"

It bombed.

...and Taylor spent the rest of his in-ring career having the crowd yell "Rooster" at him.

#3: Kwang

KWANG! The Ninja Master... who wore a Kabuki Theater style mask... who hailed from Puerto Rico... who headed up a "Hispanic" gang in one wrestling company.

Anyone see the disconnect here?

According to the Wrestlecrap guys... What's the sound of 300 pounds of crap hitting the fan? KWANG!

#2: The Gobbledy Gooker

Oh dear God.

For WEEKS, The World Wresting Federation (now World Wrestling Entertainment) tantalised fans with a GIANT EGG at ringside! WHAT WAS IN THIS EGG!?!?

They were told they'd find out on Thanksgiving...

So fans speculated... would it be a new tough wrestler? Perhaps a star from another company??? Who or WHAT was in this egg!?!?

...then they found out...

...and they booed...

...and booed...

...and booed...

This was a "gimmick" that died on the launch.

The egg revealed THE GOBBLEDY GOOKER! A man dressed as a TURKEY!

Yup, the WWF was going to try and sell a wrestling turkey.

The "Gooker" hatched and danced with "Mean Gene" Okerlund... and everyone HATED him.

This sucked and died a mercifully quick yet painful death.

#1: Phantasio

I admit, this was one fellow I didn't see myself, but found out about through the Wrestlecrap book...

But how could I NOT be overwhelmed with amazement at someone described in the book as being "a monocle away from being wrestling's answer to Mr. Peanut" as he came to the ring with a top hat and cane?

Phantasio was a MAGICIAN who would do magic before his match... but apparently his "magic" wasn't all that spectacular... replace magic in the previous sentence with your favourite synonym for feces according to "The Crappers".

...but that's NOT why he makes number one on this list...

...it's his DEVASTATING finishing move...

You see, Phantasio would reach around his opponent's back, reach into the trunks... and PRESTO! Present his opponent with their own UNDERWEAR!

The opponent, thus stunned and usually "dancing about" in horror at having their gitch removed by magic, would be easy prey to a roll-up and pin by Mr. Peanut!

Yup, a MAGIC WEDGIE won matches!

_ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _ - _

If you enjoyed these, RUN, don't walk, and find a copy of Wrestlecrap - The Very Worst of Professional Wrestling and/or visit the Wrestlecrap website!


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Comments:

Comment from: marciaV [Visitor] Email · http://joyismygoal.blogspot.com/
re there any GOOD wrestling ideas>
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 07:17
Comment from: something blue [Visitor] · http://somethingbabyblue.blogspot.com
Those are quite the personas.
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 07:55
Comment from: geek-betty [Visitor] Email · http://bettythegeek.wordpress.com/
bootyman? lol. who on earth would take that serious?
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 08:09
Comment from: Raggedy [Visitor] Email · http://its-a-raggedy-life.blogspot.com/
Booty man...LOL
Terrific Thursday Thirteen!
My TT is posted.
Have a wonderful day!
Happy TT'ing!
*^_^
(=':'=)
(")_ (")Š
Raggedy
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 08:48
Comment from: admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey marciaV... Of COURSE There are! Click here to find 'em! (Seriously, click the link...)

Hi something blue... They are sumthin'...

Hello geek-betty... Not the fans, that's for sure.

Howdy Raggedy... Don't lie now, I know you own a "Booty-Man" T-Shirt!
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 09:04
Comment from: Julia [Visitor] Email · http://juliadamus.blogspot.com
Hahahaha! Just LMAO!
You know I still owe some WWF Trading-Cards and I might just get them out and have a look at them. What a childhood memory :)

Thanks for a great TT, make sure to stop by on my TT for some more "good-ole-time" feeling !

Greets Julia
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 11:13
Comment from: admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Julia... Do you have a "Repo Man" card???
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 12:59
Comment from: Siani [Visitor] Email · http://sianikatts-gower.blogspot.com
Great list! When I was a law school student, I used to look forward to WCW, which was shown here in the UK on a Friday night, on TNT. My favourites were Kevin Nash, Bret Hart, Chris Jericho and the late Eddie Guerrero. Probably not typical viewing for a law school girlie, but I'd be glued to it, as I munched my pizza and glugged my 4 pack of Guinness. Happy TT!
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 16:13
Comment from: admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Siani... I was always a WWF/WWE guy myself... especially after Hulk Hogan jumped to WCW... and the nWo got tired... but I am also someone who, when you know me, doesn't seem like a pro-wrestling mark... but I is what I is!
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 16:35
Comment from: nicholas [Visitor] Email · http://agentlemansdomain.typepad.com/
Some people think wrestling is all faked. i am shocked at such cynicism!
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 20:38
Comment from: admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey nicholas... What? FAKED!?!? NEVER!!!!
PermalinkPermalink 11/08/07 @ 20:50
Comment from: Tina Kubala [Visitor] Email · http://tinakubala.com
I admit those are all bad gimmicks, but there is so little personality in WWE these days that any of those guys would be top of the heap today.
PermalinkPermalink 11/11/07 @ 01:05
Comment from: admin [Member] Email · http://www.doubledeckerbuses.org/
Hey Tina Kubala... Oh, somehow I doubt it... although, if you're familiar with the "current product", Xanta may look familiar to you... Xanta's now Balls Mahoney.
PermalinkPermalink 11/11/07 @ 07:43

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