Archives for: August 2007, 09

08/09/07

Permalink 12:00:01 am, by Email , 1460 words   English (CA)
Categories: Thursday Thirteen

Thursday Thirteen (I've Made it To SIX!): Idol Thirteen!

THURSDAY THIRTEEN!

Yee-haw.

I'm about to offend a lot of people... but they really SHOULDN'T be offended...

My Thursday Thirteen list this week is THIRTEEN PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE AS "MUSIC IDOL" JUDGES.

Now, be honest... MOST of us have sat through an episode or even season of "American Idol" or "Canadian Idol" or "Ural Mountain Idol" to watch a bunch of usually talented kids be raked over the coals and made to dance like trained monkeys to the tune of celebrity judges who then critique them... which sets up the next stage which is based strictly on a popularity contest with the viewing masses rather than actual content and genuine talent.

...that said...

I was watching Canadian Idol this week and thought that they could use some judges who would be as entertaining IF NOT MORESO than the poor kids who schlep on stage to sing gawdawful tunes to the acclaim of what appears to be a paid audience. To be frank (or any other first name you prefer,) the Canadian judges are about as well known as the folks in my subway car this morning. The only "recognizable" face to the masses (most folks) is Sass Jordan... the other three are made up of a manager who's biggest claim to fame is who he USED to manage... a musician who's musical on-stage career was very short BUT he became music industry lawyer of some note... and a fellow who started the first "urban music" radio station in Canada. The latter two are laudable, but hardly "faces" the public (or even contestants) know at a glance... save for the fact they are Canadian Idol judges. (No offence, fellas...)

None-the-less, there they are... and as stated, I started thinking... Who would I rather see as a judge on an "idol" show... and thus, the list below...

THIRTEEN PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO SEE AS "MUSIC IDOL" JUDGES


BEFORE MOVING ON, a caveat... This is not to say the people below aren't talented or good and don't have fans, but it is to say that I'd LOVE to see them "judging" this contest...

John Lydon

#13: John "Johnny Rotten" Lydon

He would be #1, but in his older age, Mr. Lydon seems to take pride in his "art". Now, if he was the Johnny Rotten of old... WHEEE!

Sexpot

#12: Kelly Osbourne

If you had to pick someone to give YOU musical career advice, could you pick any worse better? Not only that, but Kelly's amazing family ties career and considerable talent have made her a household name... and IMAGINE her critiquing a young hopeful who'd just belted out "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion... a song only about 2,000 other "hopefuls" probably have sang at Ms. Osbourne!

Egads! MEMORIES!

#11: Charro

KOOCHY! KOOCHY! Charro would know EXACTLY how to guide and lead young musical hopefuls! Hey, c'mon now... we ALL know some of Charro's greatest hits! Let's see... um... well... um... well, she did a LOT of TV in the 1970's and shook her hips and yelled "Koochy! Koochy!" and isn't that what the music world is missing now-a-days?

Little Kevvy Ogilve

#10: Kevin "Nivek Ogre" Ogilve

When judging a competition on vocalists, it's important to ensure that the highest regard is paid to those who are technically sound. Mr. Ogilve, of goth/industrial iconic group, Skinny Puppy pretty much is the absolute antithesis of this doing most of his vocals through a distorted "vox" box. I can hear it now... That version of Penny Lane by The Beatles was excellent... but you needed more blood dripping from you and more vulgar words shouted through a vox to make it perfect.

My IDOL!

#9: Gerardo

Rico! Suave! Now here's a man who knows how to stay atop the music scene! I mean, who could forget "Rico Suave"? ...y'know, "Rico Suave"? Y'know... 1991 "mega-hit"... somewhere... HEY NOW! Any man who refered to HIMSELF as both "The Latin Elvis" and "The Latin Frank Sinatra" must know SOMETHING, right??? Yo, la Pelota! You da judge, baby!

Little Kevvy Federline

#8: Kevin Federline

K-Fed's musical career is alive and well... and his millions of fans... okay, thousands of fans... okay, dozens of fans... okay, handful of fans... awright, his mom thinks he da bomb! Who better to give advice to young hopefuls... That was great! Who do you plan on marrying?

Axl's such a good boy...

#7: Axl Rose

Y'know, when I need to relax... kick back... more-or-less be taken away by someone who's vocal stylings are so much like birdsong with their technical prowess, the FIRST name that springs to mind will likely never be Axl Rose. Heck, vocal stylings aside, would he even show up to be a judge... and if he did, would he be capable of being part of the show?

Sexy? Yes! Talented... not-so-much...

#6: Jessica Simpson

In the morass that is "pop culture", sitting uncomfortably with the Paris Hiltons and whatnot is Ms. Simpson. Without a doubt, she's aesthetically pleasing, but we all know, thanks to the "reality television program" that she will not be winning the Nobel Prize for Advanced Physics anytime soon. Now, considering she's supposed to be a singer first, can you name say... four of her songs? C'mon now... don't cheat... no "Googling"... and again, wouldn't she be a GREAT mentor for young talent. Marry a boy-band member and do a reality show or you'll stay a session singer for LIFE!!!

Okay, this guy is a GOD... but he'd still make a questionable Idol judge...

#5: Leon Redbone

If the man relaxed any further, he'd be considered comatose. Still, imagine his critique. S'okay. That would probably be the sum total of his critiques.

More Pearly Blacks!

#4: Mark E. Smith

This gent (and the next) are the two major drunkards of the group. I figure you need to have two raving alcoholics who's talent is based mostly on personal taste and would probably, without issue, use plenty of "bleep"ing language to describe the performances. The Fall, his band, is considered by the "pundits" as a post-punk icon... but he would make a spectacular Idol judge!

Heeyaw!

#3: Shane MacGowan

The second raging drunk... I do enjoy speculating on what advice, if capable, they give the contestants! I blogged about him last Thursday...

He was never this young...

#2: Keith Richards

Do I really need to explain this choice to anyone? Ten'll get you twenty he'll probably have a hard time paying attention to the contestants... or at least, concentrating on them. He might sneeze on a contestant and coat them with his father!!!

Egads!

#1: Nina Hagen

A marvellous train-wreck of a vocalist and an acquired taste that MANY of my friends have... but me, I never found her screeching dulcette tones at all appealing. Still, considering her... um... interesting personality and talent, she'd be another boffo judge for Idol!

I could have added dozens to this list... but these are my TOP THIRTEEN for sure... granted, any three with say... hmm... Kenny Rogers as the fourth judge would be GREAT to watch! :)

Speaking of Canadian Idol... when watching on Tuesday night, we noticed that "red rose in the lapel", Zack... a wee and subtle shot at Ben's dad?


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!



Addendum: 21:14 EST - Need a giggle? This entry is the FIRST and ONLY TIME I've mentioned the name "Jessica Simpson"... and I'm showing, via stats, THREE different IPs and two different search engine hits on her name... two of which contain the word "nude".

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This blog was started in April of 2006... its original itent was really twofold. One was to be a "sounding board" for it's author... and the other... well...

At the time we started this, your humble author was unemployed and going through the usual crisis situations that arise from being jobless.

We (my wife, stepdaughter, and I,) used to "amuse" ourselves (read: Take our minds off our troubles) by more-or-less fantasizing as a family about what we'd do when things "turned around". Along this route, we discussed going to England on a vacation... and in that, alighted on "double-decker buses".

We kind of adopted one bus... Regent Low Height 3... as Our Bus... and we used to talk about what we'd do with "our bus" if we got it... from fixing it up to the trips we'd take on it.

Along the way, we became students of the history of this bus which HONESTLY seemd it was truly for us... trouble was, we couldn't afford the bus and weren't in a position to work towards the bus... so we had a couple of options...

Since the bus' position was sketchy (there's a chance she might be sold for scrap or "carved up" in other ways,) we could forget about her and pretend she didn't exist...

...or we could TRY... ask for help... put our dream of owning and saving "One Old Green Bus" into the universe and see what happens...

As of February, 2008, we knew that there was a perspective buyer for the bus (not us, obviously,) and made some difficult decisions... The first was that we wouldn't "beg" for help anymore and give the little money we received to a few different charities both online and off... and the second was simply hope that either we find a corporate sponsor (for an "ad" idea we have, click here to about read that,) or even a patron who see's the value in a silly family's dream...

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For now, though, we are still hoping WE might be the ones to get our One Old Green Bus and see a family dream come true...

Regardless, this blog WILL continue... and we will still "go for" a bus of our own... but this blog will ALWAYS be dedicated to our own One Old Green Bus.

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