24 hours ago, I was taking a shower thinking it... I kissed Sue goodbye thinking it... and I was on my morning bus to work thinking it...

That's it. We tried. I'm embarrassed. Let's fold the blog and sites. Time to move on and forget about everything...

What's horrible is that I know that there are a handful of people that would cheer and applaud if I did this.

...what's worse is the knowledge of the many that would be most upset about us giving up... not the least of which would be our youngest daughter.

None-the-less, until about 11:45am, I had full intent to "re-do" the blog, rip-down the requests for help and whatnot, and just "quietly" turn it into a "venting" spot... a true diary and honest "web-blog" with no other purpose... all without discussing it with Sue as I know she'd protest quite vehemently.

In all sincerity, I was depressed and felt like a bag of dirt... and just wanted to go back to being an online "woo-woo".

The last fourteen days have not been good... in fact, they've been mighty disheartening... and despite putting on a "brave face", inside, it was taking a toll...

If you read yesterday's post, I tried to put up an ad on Craigslist asking for the owner/caretaker of RLH 3 to contact us OR to have someone contact him on our behalf (directly) to discuss the bus.

You see, up until now, we'd been getting all our information from trustworthy friends within the "Bus Enthusiast" community, who had been of great help and had spoken to the gentleman directly... but we had yet to be able to contact him ourselves.

It's a given he's interested in selling... and the two gentlemen who went to him confirmed this... but he's been impossible to contact except in person.

So, I thought the ad MIGHT spur him to know that, online, there is a lot of work going on... and perhaps "we" should speak to each other "directly".

Craigslist, in the past, has been good to me for this so I gave it a go...

Well, within literally minutes of the ad going up, it was "flagged" as bad and deleted.

This was a kick in the posterior... again... as I knew the most likely reason for this action.

...and I was right.

I posted a request to know what happened on their message board... I had an inkling, so I was nice and said that I just was wondering what happened and why and was not "upset" about it...

The response from one user was...

At the outset, I think, "GREAT! Another G-D blogger. And oh, lookie here--a masked advertisement *for our convenience* so's we can go read it. Ugh!"

(Most people flag from the word "blog" to right about here).

Then, "Oh of course, they want -help-... again! I wonder how much $$$ this time."

(Others will flag on the spot here).

Half way through I'm wondering, "What the hell is this? What do they want? A bus? A man? Huh? That's not what this space is for."

(Flag).

Now, this was honest... and appreciated... and the three people that DID respond were very nice and very frank with me which was good and helpful... although it did teach me that "Craigslist" is no longer a place where I can hunt for information and help (despite being successful on another occasion with a similar request.)

What's the sadder is the "commenters" on the Craigslist forum seemed to see the problem... that the request was genuine... that WE were genuine... but threw their hands up and said, Doesn't matter what we think. You're sunk because most people are just going to be overly cynical and not care. They're going to delete you regardless.

You can't argue that... as the person that gets the e-mail sent to the blog and tries like heck to spread our own word about our dream and what we're hoping for, it's been shot-after-shot-after-shot with people calling me a "spammer", a "cyber-begger", a "panhandler", a "fraud"... and trust me, far worse.

Heck, I've had bloggers delete legitimate comments I've posted because they think we're just a "commercial blog" that's "spamming to get hits from the unwary".

Even Uri Geller wrote to say that we needed to get our "priorities right".

I've never thought of this blog or the sites as "commercial" as we're not demanding anything or really trying to "sell" anything... well, aside from Cafe Press stuff and our dream... we're not really doing any commercial transactions... and I honestly thought that perhaps, JUST MAYBE people would see it for how I saw it... a family that can't make a dream they have come true, so they're trying for help from anyone online... or anywhere, for that matter.

...but the last little while, I've been hammered and attacked so much both directly and oddly-indirectly, that I really WAS ready to pack it in yesterday morning...

...it's not that I couldn't take the abuse, it's that I kinda consider myself a rather honourable guy that desperately always tries to do the right thing... but am I?

I felt (and occasionally feel) that perhaps I'm not all that wonderful... and that I'm a walking, talking, typing embarrassment to my family and friends.

Now, I know that those people who have followed this, read it regularly, and genuinely have paid attention know better... I've even had trolls who commented VERY nastily come around upon further investigation and reading... so I know it can't be TOO bad...

So far, ALL of our detractors have only glanced at the veneer of our efforts... and passed judgment... much like the "Craiglisters" did...

...and to be honest, thanks to the three people that were helpful to me on the Craigslist forums... the ones that simply pointed out that it was preconceived notions and non-reading that had me deleted, I'm not giving up... yet...

Probably not ever.

Mostly because, much as our detractors may NOT believe this, I don't want to EVER tell my little one that we chucked in the towel... it is one conversation I don't wish to have... and would be pretty soul-crushing for all concerned.

What it really comes down to is... IS ALL THIS REALLY WORTH IT?

To not have to tell my kid that dreams can't come true because the world is too cynical a place to allow it? To possibly see this whacky dream come true? To not give up on all the friends and bloggers I've met through doing this?

Yeah, it is worth it... it's just taxing and rather massively depressing some of the times.

So, on that note... and still feeling like a bag of poop... I think I'm going to take Saturday off from posting... just to try and get my act together a little better.... I'll try to do something worthwhile and entertaining for tomorrow... but then, take a day off.

Thanks folks for letting me whine a little... sorta kinda maybe.

P.S. - I checked back on the Craigslist forums where I asked my question... For the record, I was very nice about everything because, like I said, I had an inkling of what happened and why... and thanked everyone for their help.

The response was...

Thank you for your goodnatured response. It's refreshing . Best of luck.

I believe it was sincere... and seeing things like that DOES take some of the sting out of the wound... and also let's me know I'm not too big a jackass.

The standard last note on the old blog... PLEASE SUPPORT THE DREAM!

This blog is here to help promote a dream that an entire family shares... that dream is to rescue an old London Double-Decker bus.

Please, if you have a few minutes, take some time to find out more about this bus and the kooky dream by clicking here.

This bus is VERY special to myself and the whole family, and any help any person can lend us would be most gratefully accepted.

If you or someone you know might be interested, there's our pixel ad site, HelpCoverTheBus.Com and a PayPal donation button (see the upper-right hand side of the blog) and, of course, a Cafe Press shop for T-Shirts and shtuff!
(...and who doesn't need some shtuff!)

Please help us make this dream a reality and save a piece of history!

We thank you for your support!

Please Note: We are also hoping for help from a public relations/marketing standpoint... If you might be able to assist OR know someone who might be willing to, please click here and read this entry...