Let's start with some truths... I am not a survivor... in fact, to call me a survivor, please look in the mirror and call yourself one too. We are ALL survivors of this thing we call life.

That said, many moons ago, I almost didn't make it... and for the dumbest reasons in the world... I almost ended it all by my own hands.

Okay, stop now... this is going to be a "positive" story, so if you read the above and went, "Uh-oh, here comes some pity-me sad stuff!", guess again... IN FACT, I hope this makes you smile... maybe even giggle...

Enough caveats, on to the story...

I was in my twenties... I was out of school, living in a nasty, cold, damp basement room of a townhouse and I was going through some tough, TOUGH times...

I had recently lost my job, I was late on rent (and when you're renting a room, this is EXTREMELY difficult to live with as you see your landlord every time you enter or exit the house,) and my girlfriend... a high-school sweetheart... had left me for a mutual friend.

I won't go into huge details, but one Sunday night after getting into a minor argument (actually, it was me getting lectured) by my landlady, she finally said, "I want you out tomorrow!"

I went down to my room... looked around... and felt totally alone and helpless. My family now all lived far away from me and since one friend had just started dating my girlfriend, I felt completely and utterly alone and useless...

So, with little else to do, I made a "make-shift" noose from the belt of my bathrobe (formerly my late father's Christian Dior bathrobe... which I still own and wear!) tied it around a two-by-four that I had anchored to a corner of one wall to act as a closet to hang suits on (the room was sadly "closetless",) and standing on a stool, prepared to see what happens when one is no more...

I kicked the stool out and...

...landed squarely on my rear-end.

One side of the two-by-four had come loose from the wall and not supported my weight... thus it was now hanging by one side... and I was in much pain in my backside from a nasty fall.

As I was preparing to feel INCREDIBLY sorry for myself and start weeping that I couldn't even manage to kill myself properly, the other side of the two-by-four gave way... and it bonked me in the head.

So, sitting in my sore tushy, head now aching from getting a nice whack from a three-foot length of two-by-four... I did what I hope you're doing...

I started to giggle...

That became a genuine laugh...

Which turned into a teary-eyed, belly-driven guffaw.

In one RAPID instant, the truth hit me... It was SO not my time to go... and I had no right to try and hasten my own demise.

I mean, let's face it folks, if I had been meant to croak right there and then, I doubt the fates would have played such an obvious hand in not only ensuring I was still among those sharing oxygen with you, but adding a nice little spanking on top of it as well!

After I "collected" myself, I went upstairs, talked with my landlady who was unaware of the TRUE mess I was planning on leaving for her and found her in better spirits too and arranged a better departure and payment date... and I did meet it!

I also heard from my "ex" girlfriend to tell her that all was well... and explain the epiphany I had trying to off myself.

She was NOT amused and assumed I was "threatening" her with my own demise for her leaving me for this other fellow... I kept TRYING to point out to her that it was NO threat on two levels... the first being I had tried and failed... and the lesson to me was don't try that again!

Actually, in essence I was trying to tell her that I'd learned that, no matter what, all was right with the world and she was MORE than welcome to do what she wanted to do.

...didn't matter, she still thought I was going to try again at any minute...

...and as such, re-examined her actions and her and me and we ended up back together... and lasted a further 'X' years after that... I don't remember exactly how many years after that, but at least five...

Rapidly, I found a new job, managed to get my affairs in order, and even made new friends... sure, we didn't last into my thirties this girl and I, but since we split up, (a mutual decision between her, me, and the fellow I believe she's currently married to...) I've started my hobbies, met Sue, and genuinely have been VERY, VERY happy!

I often think of that stupid guy... bathrobe belt around his neck... sitting on his sore butt with a mild headache... and think, Had I succeeded, the life and adventures I would have missed!

Therefore, the blessing I share with you is life.

The lesson from my story... if you're EVER feeling like you've hit bottom and can't go on... you will go on... and things WILL improve... and sometimes you need a little "down-side action" to bring out the best in you and perhaps make some necessary changes in life... which in the end, will make you stronger, smarter, and in the long run, happier.

I often think about what George Burns used to say was the secret to longevity... he'd say, always have plans for tomorrow... a reason to get up... a reason to do something... and you always will get up in the morning.

I believe that... and I believe we are the masters of our own adventures... and that we must constantly challenge ourselves every day, week, month, and year... we must create and we must work towards being more happy than sad and SHARING that happiness.

After all, life is great... you just have to look at it and admire it for all it's worth... warts and all.

I'm very happy to be alive... to share my life with Sue and yeah, with you my readers... and with anyone who will listen.

I shouldn't do this... but as you may know, I'm a wrasslin' fan... and as such, LOVED the WWE DVD about The Rise and Fall of ECW (Extreme Championship Wrestling) which was run by a fellow called "The Mad Genius", Paul Heyman. It was a super-popular, ahead of it's time program... but it lost money and went out of business... it's STILL considered (in it's original form... not the "new" ECW) to be the best there was for fans of professional wrestling.

That said, at the END of that DVD is a bit with Paul Heyman that sums up my view on life very nicely... and although, as I said, I could get into trouble, I'd like to share it with you... It's a Windows Media File (WMV) and about 4 megs so you may wish to download it and play it "locally" instead of trying to play it from the 'net... but click here and see it... I find it most affirming.

I hope I don't get into trouble for sharing this video clip... but it's a goody...

...and if you watch it, it might give you a little more insight as to why we're trying to make our dream come true instead of just giving up on it.

The standard last note on the old blog... PLEASE SUPPORT THE DREAM!

This blog is here to help promote a dream that an entire family shares... that dream is to rescue an old London Double-Decker bus.

Please, if you have a few minutes, take some time to find out more about this bus and the kooky dream by clicking here.

This bus is VERY special to myself and the whole family, and any help any person can lend us would be most gratefully accepted.

If you or someone you know might be interested, there's our tiny banner site, HelpCoverTheBus.Com and a PayPal donation button (see the upper-right hand side of the blog) and, of course, a Cafe Press shop for T-Shirts and shtuff!
(...and who doesn't need some shtuff!)

Please help us make this dream a reality and save a piece of history!

We thank you for your support!

Please Note: We are also hoping for help from a public relations/marketing standpoint... If you might be able to assist OR know someone who might be willing to, please click here and read this entry...